One morning in 1999, at the end of my wits after a years-long battle with deep depression, I awoke and lay in bed thinking about driving off a cliff. I had been too broke, too depressed, too unhappy for too long, and I didn’t think I could take myself or the inner pain anymore.
Of course, as soon as the thought of my old van pitching off one of the many cliffs around the Santa Fe area that would have very nicely accommodated my intent, my mind’s good old Ridiculosity Factor quipped up with:
“Well, with that kind of thinking, you’re already dead, girlfriend! So you may as well do something FUN until your body dies!”
Hmm. So, rather liking that idea, I decided that that made a whole lot more sense, since driving off a cliff may not have been as fast, easy or smooth as I’d want it to be. Besides, what would happen to my precious sweet buddy, my dog? Wouldn’t be at all fair to drag her into that.
So instead of getting up and driving to my end, I laid there imagining how I’d want the world to be if I could create it.
A world where we all got along – no – were best friends! And where the earth is respected and honored, where people regarded critters, earth, water, sky and heaven in wonder and awe, not polluted, poisoned or exploited beyond health or reason.
I imagined a world where relationships with each other are precious and priceless and handled with care and deepest heart and respect.
A world I’d have fun in, have love in, have abundance in; and where we’d all dance and sing and laugh and weep tears of joy because it is all too powerfully beautiful and sweet.
Where the death of someone would evoke song and long joyous reverie and honor; where the birth of a child is celebrated as the entrance of yet another amazing Being come to enhance the whole world and everyone’s life.
Where a child’s voice is heard and whose story is taken seriously; where that child is given as much positive direction and reinforcement as possible on his way to becoming a fulfilled adult member of the community.
Where the community supports and enjoys its members as they enjoy and support it.
I created this world with these images. One by one, over about a month’s duration, I sat at my computer and patiently added layer upon layer, color upon color. This series is what came of that month.
Later, I thought, why not take the feeling that those images give me when I look at them, and embody them, myself?
Looking at Dawn Celebration, I can feel the sun about to rise over the horizon, about to radiate warmth and light and life into the world! I can feel my arms up ready to receive and to shout my joy in living!
Why not choose to celebrate my life, rather than complain about it?
Why not choose to contribute with the skills and knowledge I have?
Why not do what I’m good at: inspiring others – even when I feel discouraged?
Why carry blame and resentment around when I could carry inspiration and expansion?
Why not use my own images to improve my own life?
So this is what I do/have done.
I believe we are all inextricably connected in a massive web of invisible energy.
My part in it is small, yes, but as important as any other’s, and vice versa. It’s all energy.
What I do with mine determines my life. The Land of Ammaze is my Home Inside Me.
I hope you enjoy my World as much as I do!